


The Christmas Wish

by JAileen



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Angst, Christmas, M/M, Re upload from FF.net
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-29 11:15:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 15,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17202461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JAileen/pseuds/JAileen
Summary: Thomas has always been lonely and it was worse during the holiday seasons. Watching the love and cheer made him sick with envy. He wishes for an angel, someone to take the loneliness away, and his angel fell that very night. (M for future chapters).(reuploaded from FF.net because it seems I never uploaded here so here ya go. :) )





	1. Prologue

Thomas leaned against the outside wall, staring at the freshly fallen snow. The sky had cleared up allowing the moon and stars to shine. Being so clear, the air chilled to a very bitter cold, making Thomas shiver a little as he tried to light his cigarette. It was his last one but he had the afternoon off tomorrow and he could run into Thirsk to get more. He needed them more than ever. Thomas Barrow was surrounded by people in a large house, but he was so alone. Thomas always felt like he was alone in the world but it felt the worse during the holidays. Christmas was coming and Thomas was dreading it. Everyone was getting gifts for their family and friends, and Thomas would do neither the giving nor the receiving except when getting gifts from upstairs. It was only another holiday to show Thomas he was alone in the world, no matter what he did. He looked at the empty spot beside him and smirked. Mrs. O'Brien used to fill that empty feeling. If it wasn't for her bloody nephew Alfred, she'd be out here with him. He hated to admit he missed her company, but he didn't need someone who would stab him in the back in heart beat. Yes she did stab, oh so hard and silent, but his back is covered in scars so it was just another to add to the collection. His heart was hollow and empty in everyone's eyes, but that wasn't true. He had a heart, but no one here earned to see it, or feel its warmth. No, he wouldn't dare show his heart, not again. Not after all the hurt he's had to suffer for, and no one will ever understand.

As Thomas blew out the last bit of smoke, he looked up at the clear sky and blew out the smoke.

_I'm trying. I swear I'm trying but its so hard when no one even wants to understand. If its such a bad thing then why did you make me like this? Oh I would give anything to fall in love with a woman and have a family...but then I don't because this is who I am. I can't change that, and you know it._

He spotted a star that shined brighter than the rest.

 _I haven't done this since I was a lad,_ Thomas spoke through his mind, _But perhaps...you can send me an angel. Not for a lover or anythin like that, but...maybe a friend. A real friend. I'd be very happy and I would try to better. I'd have someone to help me try._

Thomas flicked the cigarette but away, sighed, then laughed.

_What I'd do for someone. Just...someone._

He stood up straight then headed back inside the crowded servants hall.


	2. Chapter 1

Thomas walked the snowy path back to Downton. He enjoyed the soft snowfall and was most happy now that he managed to get a fresh new pact of cigarettes in one hand and a small bag with whiskey, candy, and a new pair of gloves in the other hand. He gracefully opened the new pack and picked up one with his mouth. He threw the carton into the bag and rustled around in his pocket for his lighter. Just as he grabbed the silver lighter from his pocket, he spotted a fresh pair of footprints running into the woods. The footprints were small but not like a child's. Thomas thought to ignore whoever went into the forest but then thought that whoever it was could be in trouble. He looked back at the prints and noticed they were kicking the snow as if they were running, but there were no other footprints that Thomas could see. He became a little worried for the wanderer. It was very easy to get lost in the forest. Thomas let out a sigh then started to follow the stranger's tracks.

Thomas followed the tracks slowly and carefully. The tracks changed from running to stumbling around. It was very obvious the person didn't know where they were going. They made several turns in many directions only to change their mind and keep going the way they were. Thomas stopped the moment he heard sobbing. He spotted the shed that he held Isis in. The door was opened slightly and Thomas took in a breath as he slowly approached it. The closer he got, the louder the sobs grew. He thought about knocking on the door but stopped his hand from coming into contact with the wood. He set his bag down beside the shed and straightened himself. He slowly grabbed the edge of the door and slowly peeked inside. Thomas spotted a young man curled up in the corner of the shed. His blonde hair was a mess as his gray cap lay beside him. His arms were curled around his legs and he cried deeply into his knees. Thomas looked around and saw there was no bag or anything. Thomas felt a little sick. One part of him thought he could just close the door and quietly turn around, but the other part nagged at him for even thinking of leaving the young man out here in the cold. Thomas took a deep breath then opened the door wider.

"A..are you alright," Thomas asked. The young blonde stopped sobbing and looked up at Thomas with fearful eyes. Although they were scared, they were very beautiful. Thomas stood in awe as he gazed into those sad blue eyes. Thomas slowly entered the shed as the young blonde his face back in his knees. Thomas knelt down next to him.

"Please," the young blonde whispered, "please just go."

"Why," Thomas asked, "A storm is coming tonight, so if you are planning on living in this shed, I'm afraid you won't make it through the night."

It was true, a storm was coming. Thomas heard about it while in Thirsk and decided to make his way home early, which he was thankful he did.

The young man looked up at him in fear. Thomas smiled slightly.

"W…who are you," the young blonde asked.

"M'names Thomas Barrow," Thomas answered with a smile.

"J…Jimmy K..Kent," The young blonde stuttered. The smile faded from Thomas's face as he noticed the blonde go pale all over.

"You're going to freeze," Thomas said.

"Let me," Jimmy said, "I…I'm useless…I have n…no reference or an…nything to get me a j..j..job."

"Well, I'm a valet at Downton Abbey and I'm not going to let someone freeze in a shed, no matter how little they value their life."

To be honest, Thomas would let a random person freeze in a shed, but not Jimmy. Jimmy Kent was different.

"Now come on," Thomas said as he wrapped his arms around Jimmy, "At Downton awaits a warm meal and a warm bed."

Yes Downton did have warm meals and warm bed, but would they let Jimmy have a meal and bed? That was up to Mr. Carson and Thomas knew it was going to be tough to convince the old butler to let in a stranger.

"Have you lost your mind, Mr. Barrow," Mr. Carson hissed at Thomas.

"Now, Mr. Carson," Mrs. Hughes said, "There is no need to lose your temper over this."

"And why not? Mr. Barrow has let a complete stranger into our home and let him into our beds.

"My bed, Mr. Carson," Thomas replied calmly, "He needed the warmth and what would you have me do? Leave the young man in the shed to freeze as the storm hit?"

Mr. Carson stood there glaring.

"Maybe we should talk with his lordship about this," Mrs. Hughes said then smiled at Thomas.

"His lordship is facing a difficult time at the moment. I do—"

"Perhaps I can speak with his lordship about it then," Thomas interrupted, "I am the one who found him and I think I should speak for him."

"I agree," Mrs. Hughes said, “If anyone should plead a case to his lordship about this stranger, it should be the one who brought him here."

Mr. Carson huffed then sighed in defeat.

"Oh alright," Mr. Carson said, "But his lordship's word is final and if he wants the young man gone, then he will be gone."

Thomas nodded his head in agreement then left Mr. Carson's office with Mrs. Hughes following behind.

"I'll go with you and try and help," Mrs. Hughes said, "I don't want to throw that poor man into a storm any more than you do."

"Thank you, Mrs. Hughes," Thomas said as they both descended up the stairs. They walked into the library where the family was. As Thomas and Mrs. Hughes walked in, the family got quiet and looked at them.

"Is something the matter," Lord Grantham asked.

"There is in a way," Thomas responded, "On my way back from Thirsk today I spotted some strange tracks that lead into the wood and I followed them. They lead me to a shed and inside I found a very distraught and frightened young man. With the storm coming I didn't want to leave him there to freeze so I thought it best to bring him here to have a warm bed and food."

As Thomas spoke out loud, he began to worry that Lord Grantham would deny Jimmy a stay.

"Oh dear," Lady Grantham said with worry, "Is he alright?"

"He is resting now. He was close to frostbite if he stayed out there any longer, but he should be alright."

"How terrible," Lord Mathew said, "Did he say what had happened? Why he was in such a state?"

"He did not, my lord," Thomas replied.

"Well then you did the right thing in bringing him here," Lord Mathew said.

"I agree," Mrs. Hughes spoke, "We were thinking that perhaps if the young man could prove himself worthy that he could work here so he can have food, shelter all while earning it."

Lord Grantham sighed but Lady Mary spoke up.

"Yes," she said, "That is a wonderful idea. Mr. Carson has been begging for another footman so why not. Perhaps he is footman material."

"Thank you, my lady," Thomas said and turned to leave. Mrs. Hughes stayed behind and as he walked off, he could barely hear the family talk.

"My, my, our Thomas a hero," Lady Mary said, "Who would've thought."

"He's much kinder than he lets on,' Lady Sybil said, "He must've had his kindness betrayed once."

"I agree, my lady," Mrs. Hughes said, "Mr. Barrow holds a lot to himself and I'm sure for good reason. This action today only proved so."

Thomas smiled wider then went downstairs to tell Mr. Carson they knew he was sure he wouldn't be receiving.

Later that night, Thomas carried a tray of soup and bread up to his door. He lightly knocked then opened the door to see Jimmy asleep in his bed. He quietly entered the room and slowly closed the door, careful not to disturb Jimmy. He walked over and set the tray on the nightstand. He touched Jimmy's brow and felt relieved to feel it warm, but not too much for a fever he was almost sure Jimmy would have. He let his hand slip and he brushed a blonde curl away from Jimmy's face. Jimmy stirred a little and Thomas jumped back. Jimmy opened his eyes and looked at Thomas. Thomas smiled once more as he stared into the ocean blue eyes. Jimmy smiled back then sat up.

"Thought you haven't eaten in a while," Thomas said as he motioned towards the tray, "So I brought something up for you to eat."

"Thank you," Jimmy said, "For everything."

"It’s no bother, I like to help," Thomas nearly kicked himself for lying, but he didn't want Jimmy to get the wrong impression.

"I have good news," Thomas said as Jimmy picked up the tray and began eating the soup. He looked up at Thomas with curiosity.

"Lord Grantham has allowed you to stay _if_ you show you can work. Have you ever been a footman?"

Jimmy only nodded.

"Yes," he replied quietly, "My last job."

Thomas looked at Jimmy with concern as he saw Jimmy's eyes begin to water up again.

"What happened," Thomas asked, "You can trust me."

Jimmy paused before answering.

"I…I," he began, "I…swiped silver."

Thomas's eyes shot up. He was surprised yet, he wasn't.

"That's all," Thomas asked. Jimmy looked at him confused.

"What could be worse than swiping silver?"

Thomas closed his mouth quick before he said something he would regret.

'I suppose nothing," Thomas lied, "Is that why you were in such a state?"

"Yes…no," Jimmy said, "I…I was afraid of prison."

"You're a wanted man," Thomas exclaimed. Jimmy shook his head quickly.

"No, no! I wasn't going to be arrested. My employer said she would forget about it since…she saw me do it."

"So, you were allowed to keep your job, yet you ran?"

"I…," Jimmy silenced himself. Thomas knew there was something more than swiping silver.

"I was going to get my marchin orders because…I," Jimmy began then groaned, "I don't think I can say it. I feel so bad. So terrible!"

"Well if you are not a wanted man or anythin', then I'm sure it can all be slipped under the rug."

Jimmy looked at him then nodded.

"Yes, yes right you are, Thomas," Jimmy said, "I'm just…afraid my past will find me. I don't want it too."

"I know how you feel," Thomas said, "But you are safe here at Downton, but what should we tell his lordship about you?"

"Tell him…," Jimmy thought, "I'll tell him that my parents just passed away and they were so far in debt they collected everything, even my home."

Thomas's eyes widened.

"I don't think that would work well," Thomas said.

"Well, it did happen," Jimmy said, "Only it happened right after the war. My mother died of the flu and I couldn't support myself anymore. We never had money. I was lucky I got what I did, but it was never much. After their death, everything was taken. Thankfully I wasn't on the streets long until I was hired as a footman and since then I've been working as one."

Thomas looked at Jimmy with sad eyes, then he nodded.

"Alright," he said, "We'll tell him that and I'll say I gave you tips on how to be a footman so your skills aren't questioned."

Jimmy smiled then nodded.

"Thank you, Thomas," he said.

Thomas nodded then stood up.

"Well you eat then I'll go and help find you a livery then I'll show you to your room and help you set up."

Jimmy nodded then grabbed the tray and began eating. Thomas closed the door behind him as he left the room. He stayed there in the hall as he leaned up against the door. He looked up and smiled.

 _Thank you,_ He thought, _I'll take good care of him. I promise._

_My angel, Jimmy._


	3. Chapter 2

Thomas kept true to his promise. He did all he could to make sure Jimmy was safe and taken care of. He helped set up Jimmy's room as well as help him fit into a livery. Once Jimmy looked like a footman, Thomas could not keep his eyes off of him. It was obvious the young blonde cared about his appearance more than anything. The way he waved his hair made Thomas swoon. The young man was truly an angel and Thomas felt more in love with Jimmy as the days went by. The family also seemed to enjoy Jimmy's appearance as well. Lady Mary and Lady Edith commented on Jimmy being quite the handsome one and how it must have cheered up the maids. It did indeed. Many of the maids swooned at the sight of Jimmy. Jimmy was quite aware of the effect he had upon women and would smile back at the maids, causing many to become clumsy. Thomas would laugh at the way Jimmy teased the maids and the new kitchen maid Ivy. Ivy was very keen on Jimmy but Jimmy was not.

"She's just not my type," Jimmy said during a game of cards. Thomas, Alfred, and Jimmy stayed in the servant's hall playing cards while everyone went to bed.

"Then why don't you tell her that," Alfred said, "Put the poor girl out of her misery."

"Why, so you can have a go at her," Jimmy said, "What makes you think she would go with you. I know someone who is very keen on you yet you won't even give them a second glance."

"Who," Alfred asked.

"I'm not saying," Jimmy replied, "You just have to find out for yourself. When you know who, then I'll consider telling Ivy to get off."

"Don't you dare," Alfred said, "If you break her heart I swear."

"Swear what," Jimmy asked smiling. Alfred shook his head.

"Nothing," he mumbled, "I'm going to bed."

Alfred slapped the cards on the table then stormed off. Jimmy and Thomas sat there laughing.

"My," Thomas said, "I don't know why it is amusing to watch him storm off with a puff like that."

"The thing is," Jimmy said, "that no matter what I say the night before, it's like he forgives me the next day for it. He'll talk to me and try to be friendly. I wonder what he does to get all that anger out cause he's fuming by the time I'm done with him."

Thomas laughed then lit another cigarette.

"Bet he hugs his pillow and pretends its Ivy," Jimmy said as he shuffled the deck of cards.

"It wouldn't surprise me to be honest," Thomas answered as he blew out a puff of smoke, "So who's the poor soul who's fallen for Mr. Nugent."

"Daisy," Jimmy said, "Poor thing indeed. Don't know what she sees in him, other than he can reach things off the highest shelf, but that's it. He's such a clots when it comes down to it. It irritates me the way he stands and serves. So…uncomfortable looking."

Thomas nodded and smiled.

"You must've been well loved at your last job though," Thomas said, "You seem loved here and you are a very good footman. Were you first footman?"

Jimmy smiled and shook his head.

"No," He said, "I was second. Andrew was first footman...we…we were close. I've never had many friends. He was the one and only friend I had to be honest."

Jimmy stopped shuffling and glared at the knot on the table.

"I…I can be your friend too, Jimmy," Thomas said softly. Jimmy looked at him and smiled.

"I think you more than a friend, Thomas," Jimmy replied, "You're my hero."

Thomas blushed then looked down, but he couldn't help but smile.

"I mean it. If it weren't for you, I'd be dead in that."

He motioned towards the window where the snow fell heavily.

"Trust me," Thomas said, "I'm not as much of a hero as you think."

"I know," Jimmy said, "Anna mentioned that you were pretty nasty but I think it was because you were lonely. I know what that's like. I had no friends until I went to work as a footman and Andrew took me under his wing. They may think you are a bad man, but a bad man wouldn't save a stranger out in the woods when they could be off doing something else."

Thomas looked at him then looked away as tears formed. No one has ever been so kind to him beside Lady Sybil.

"Thank you, Jimmy," He said. Jimmy smiled wider and nodded. Jimmy grabbed Thomas's hand and Thomas froze.

"Thank you, Thomas," Jimmy said. They looked at each other for a while then Jimmy snatched his hand back and straightened himself.

"Well…uh…w…we should probably get to bed, Mr. Barrow," Jimmy said, "It's quite late."

Jimmy stood up and turned to leave.

"Good night, Mr. Barrow," Jimmy turned back and smiled at Thomas then left the servants hall.

"Good night, Jimmy," Thomas answered in a whisper then stared at his hand, still warm from Jimmy's touch. It took a while for Thomas to collect himself then retire for bed. As he walked to his room, he stopped in front of Jimmy's door. No light was shining under Jimmy's door and Thomas concluded Jimmy was already asleep. Without thinking, Thomas placed a kiss to Jimmy's door.

"Goodnight," Thomas whispered very quietly, "my angel."

Thomas made his way into his room and mentally kicked himself for being so soppy. He's never felt this way with anyone before. He just wanted to be with Jimmy. Wanting to feel his touch more, needing it. Thomas sighed then dressed in his nightclothes and crawled into bed. He stared at the ceiling for a while before finally falling to sleep with a small smile on his face.

Jimmy sat in the corner of his room with his pillow and the picture in his lap. Tears were running down his face as he stared at the picture. Remembering the feelings that were once shared were now forever gone. He didn't mean it, he truly didn't, but now it didn't matter. It didn't matter now that he would never see the love of his life ever again. It didn't matter at all. He wasn't meant to love, only to hurt, and forever he will.

_Oh God, why? Please, please can I have my angel back? Please…I can't live without my angel._

Jimmy cried silently as he watched the snow fall outside his window. No stars to wish upon tonight but perhaps wishes can still be granted.


	4. Chapter 3

Thomas woke feeling well rested. He quickly got up and got dressed hoping he would be able to catch Jimmy before he went down to breakfast.

_Perhaps we can walk down together, Thomas thought, oh stop it, Thomas. You don't even know if he's like you. That touch was surely nothing._

But yet that was all Thomas could think about. Jimmy taking hold of his land last night did something to him. It gave him hope. Hope he hasn't felt in so long that it was a foreign friend, but a friend just the same. Thomas smiled as he walked out into the hall and over to Jimmy's door. He lightly knocked before calling out.

"Jimmy," he asked, "Are you in there?"

"Yes," Jimmy answered back, "Just one moment."

Thomas nodded then stood back, fixing his tie as he waited for Jimmy to open the door. When Jimmy did, Thomas smiled and Jimmy returned. Jimmy looked beautiful as ever only something was off. Jimmy's eyes were puffy and tired looking, as if he had been crying. Thomas felt a small pit of worry build as Jimmy closed his door.

"You feelin alright, Jimmy," Thomas asked. Jimmy smiled and nodded.

"Yes, I'm quite fine," he said as they began walking down the hall, "Why?"

"You just seem...off. Very tired."

"Oh," Jimmy chuckled, "I didn't sleep much last night."

"Why is that," Thomas asked.

"I don't know really. I just couldn't get comfortable, but never mind it anyway, we should get down before Mr. Carson sends Alfred up to search where we've run off too."

Jimmy smiled widely as he hurried down the corridor. Thomas watched in silence, knowing there was something truly the matter but there was a reason why Jimmy didn't want to talk about it. He sighed then caught up and they talked about other things while they made their way downstairs into the servants’ hall. Just as Jimmy had predicted the night before, Alfred seemed to have forgotten about their argument. He sat right next to Jimmy and immediately started friendly conversation. Jimmy would answer back giving "told you so" looks to Thomas who did all he could not to burst into a laughing fit.

"James seems to be fitting in very well here," Lord Grantham stated to Thomas as Thomas finished dressing him.

"Yes, milord," Thomas answered.

"I've heard he has taken to you as a mentor as well?"

"Yes, milord, he was anxious to learn and I couldn't refuse to share the knowledge."

"I am very impressed," Lord Grantham said as he turned to Thomas, "You've proven yourself to be a very good man. I'm sorry for ever doubting you, although I must ask, why you choose to distance yourself from the others?"

Thomas paused before answering, trying to think up a quick lie.

"I never found it easy to trust people, milord," Thomas said, "It was easy to avoid people and less chance of being betrayed."

"I'm sorry if that ever happened to you, Thomas. But know this, while you are here at Downton, no bad word shall be spoken about you."

"Thank you very much, milord. I'm truly grateful."

Lord Grantham smiled then bid Thomas away. He was grateful truly, but it was still hard to believe something like that when even his lordship didn't know who and what Thomas was. He knew those were only words and if he was ever found out, he'd be sacked or worse arrested. It was that fear that kept him separated from everyone else. He didn't need someone holding that over him. He didn't have too much fear of O’Brien telling because who would believe her.

Thomas decided to take a smoke outside and enjoy the fresh air. Just as he was about to light his cigarette, he spotted something lying on a large crate. It was a picture of some sort. Thomas cautiously approached it then picked it up. As he looked at it, the cigarette fell from his mouth and he gasped. It was a picture of a young man, but the young man made a striking resemblance to Thomas. From the way the young man's hair was slicked backed to his cheeks and lips, it could be a Thomas Barrow look alike. Thomas let out a breath then began to shiver.

_Who could this picture belong to and more importantly, why is it of me, but it’s...not me?_

Thomas shook his head then stuck the picture in his pocket. He wasn't going to leave it, but he didn't really want to take it.

_I'll ask around. Hey, Alfred. Do you own a picture of me that isn't me?_

Thomas laughed then shook his head as he picked up his fallen cigarette. He brushed off the snow and hoped it would light. Thankfully it did and he took a long drag out of it. He pulled the picture out of his pocket and looked at the young man again.

_Who are you?_

Throughout the rest of the day, Thomas's thoughts were on the picture. He tried his best to place the picture with the owner, but failed. He was about to ask Daisy, until he spotted Jimmy. Jimmy was very restless. It was too obvious his mind was elsewhere. He had a worried look on his face as he moved around in his seat. Thomas focused his attention on Jimmy and then sat beside him.

"You sure you're alright, Jimmy," Thomas asked.

Jimmy slightly jumped then looked around.

"I'm sorry," Jimmy said, "What were you saying?"

Thomas sighed.

"Perhaps you should get to bed. You can't serve if you are too distracted." "No, I'm fine," Jimmy said as he shook his head, "It’s just...I've lost something. Something important."

Thomas froze then crept his hand in his pocket where the picture was. He swallowed then turned back to Jimmy.

"W...What did you lose," he asked, "Perhaps I can look for it while you are serving."

Jimmy looked at him and smiled slightly.

"You would do that," Jimmy asked. Thomas smiled and nodded.

"Okay," Jimmy said, "But you can't tell anyone about it. It…may be strange."

"I swear I won't. Now go ahead and tell me what it is."

"It’s...it’s a picture...of Andrew my friend."

Thomas gasped silently.

"It’s very important to me. We were very dear friends and sometimes when I had nightmares, he would help me go through with them. I've been having nightmares again and...I need it."

Thomas nodded.

"A..alright," he said, "I'll start looking around. You may have dropped it in the hall or outside if you take it with you."

"Sometimes I do," Jimmy confessed, "He taught me everything I know about being a footman. Helps for motivation sometimes."

Thomas smiled.

"You best get ready for dinner, and I'll start lookin for it. If I find it, I'll bring it to you tonight."

Jimmy smiled then stood up.

"Thank you, Thomas."

Thomas nodded and remained there until Jimmy left. Thomas pulled out the picture and looked at it.

Andrew. My you are quite the devil, aren't you? What happened? Maybe Jimmy will tell me when he's ready.

Thomas put the picture inside his pocket and went upstairs to get everything ready for his lordship.

"Here you are," Thomas whispered as Jimmy came down the stairs. He held out the picture to Jimmy who took it with glee.

"Where was it," he asked as he hugged the picture.

"Outside, on a crate," Thomas answered.

"Really," Jimmy asked, "I looked and looked but never found anything. Thank you, though. Truly."

Thomas smiled and nodded.

"Why don't we have a game of cards before we go to bed."

Jimmy nodded as he was pulled into the servants’ hall.

That night, Jimmy lie in bed staring at the picture. He wasn't crying, but he wasn't smiling. He was just starting. Staring because he couldn't believe he hadn't seen it until now. Andrew looked like a younger version of Thomas or Thomas looked like Andrew, he wasn't sure except the resemblance was impossible to miss and how he did was a mystery to him. Jimmy pulled the picture close to his heart and stared at his door. He thought about going to talk to Thomas about Andrew, but he didn't think he could. He didn't want Thomas to think what many others would think. Thomas was a friend Jimmy did not want to lose. He looked at the picture and smiled.

_"Jimmy! Jimmy!"_

_Jimmy woke to Andrew leaning over him with his hands holding him down. Jimmy let out a breath of relief as he realized it was another nightmare. Suddenly, without being able to stop it, Jimmy began to cry._

_"Shh," Andrew said as he crawled into Jimmy's bed and wrapped his arms around him, "Hush darling hush. You're safe now. It's all alright."_

_Jimmy only nodded but continued to cry into Andrew's shoulder._

_"Don't leave me," Jimmy said, "I couldn't bare it if you left. I'd kill myself."_

_"No, don't go saying that, love," Andrew said, "I'm not going anywhere and if, if, something happens, I'm sure you'll find someone."_

_"No, don't say that," Jimmy cried, "I couldn't find anyone like you. I'm lucky I found you in the first place."_

_Andrew smiled and nodded._

_"We're both lucky to have found one another, but life is full of surprises. Good and bad ones. I want you to be happy and if the day comes, and I pray it doesn't, and I have to leave, I pray someone will come along so you won't have to be alone. I pray you are never alone for the rest of your days, Jimmy Kent."_

_Jimmy smiled then shook his head._

_"What did I tell you," Jimmy said, "When we're alone together, I'm not Jimmy Kent," Jimmy sat up and kissed Andrew as passionately as he could._

_"I'm Jimmy Pearce, Mr. Andrew Pearce."_

_"Of course, you are, darling," Andrew said as he held up Jimmy's left hand and kissed his ring, "I could never forget."_


	5. Chapter 4

Thomas and Jimmy made it their routine to meet each other outside the hall and they would both walk down to breakfast together. The would talk about anything really and their conversation would continue on during breakfast. Thomas liked to talk about his previous life a little. Sharing with Jimmy all the things he did while being a footman. At first, Thomas was afraid that Jimmy would think him a horrible man, but Jimmy would only laugh and joke about it. Jimmy on the other hand, never shared much about his previous life or his last job. He kept his life very close and never let much spill out. He did talk about his dreams and his passion for theatre. Every time Jimmy spoke of the theatre, he would light up and smile, making Thomas smile right along with him. Thomas liked the theatre but definitely not as much as Jimmy.

As it got closer to Christmas, Thomas began to get an idea of what to get Jimmy. He began pulling the question out every once in a while, just to see if he could get a really good answer. Majority of the time is was an "I'm not sure," or a "I never really thought about it," but finally after a while of poking around, Thomas found an answer.

"I love playing piano most of all," Jimmy said one evening while they were playing cards. The only ones left in the hall was Thomas, Jimmy, and Mrs. O’Brien.

"Is that so," Mrs. O’Brien said, "Why don't you play us a tune. I'm sure would love to hear to you play."

Thomas glared at him but Jimmy didn't seem to catch on.

"Oh, I couldn't," Jimmy said, "It’s far too late now. Maybe tomorrow evening though. I'm dying to have my fingers play."

"Yes, it is quite late," Mrs. O’Brien said as she gathered her things and stood up, "Well good night, don't do anything I wouldn't do."

Jimmy smiled and looked back at his cards while Thomas continued to glare as Mrs. O’Brien left the room. Once she heard her ascend the stairs completely, he lit himself another cigarette.

"I don't mean to pry," Thomas began as he blew out a puff of smoke, "but...what was Andrew like?"

Jimmy looked up at him and smiled slightly.

"He was a very good friend," Jimmy said, "He wasn't nice around the rest of the staff, but he was always with me. I think he just needed someone who could understand him. Someone who was like him."

"Did...did something happen," Thomas almost regretted asking, but Jimmy felt comfortable in sharing.

"He uh...he passed away," Jimmy said, "back in October. I never thought I could feel so alone after my parents but after him...it was like my whole world fell apart."

Thomas knew the feeling all too well.

"He died of brain cancer. We didn't even know until September when he began to feel awful headaches. Lady Anstruther tried to offer money so he could get treated, but he knew how cancer worked and he knew...it was too late for him."

Tears began to form in Jimmy's eyes. Thomas wanted to tell Jimmy to stop, but Thomas also felt like Jimmy needed to let it out.

"It was horrible," Jimmy continued, "Knowing someone you cared about so greatly was going to die soon. I honestly believe that he knew exactly when, but he wouldn't tell me. All he told me is, 'I've got time,' so we would do all we could..."

"I'm so sorry, Jimmy," Thomas said, "I didn't mean to bring it up and open wounds."

"No," Jimmy said as tears slid down his cheeks, "I needed to tell. I haven't spoken much since it all happened."

"I know how it feels," Thomas said as he stood up and sat next to Jimmy, "I know what it’s like losing someone so close. I... befriended a soldier during the war. I was a medic you see and he came here because he was blinded by mustard gas."

Jimmy turned to him, very interested in the story.

"He had very little will to live, but I believe that I and Lady Sybil was slowly returning it to him. We grew close but...one day...I suppose he just couldn't live with being blind."

Thomas swallowed, trying to hold back the tears.

"He slit his wrists one night and bled out. By morning he was gone. I can say that not many in this life have been kind to me, and I was lucky to have found him and Lady Sybil who saw past the thousand masks I wore."

Thomas smiled then looked at Jimmy.

"Funny you know," he said, "We're quite a pair."

Jimmy looked away then slowly nodded as he smiled.

"Yes, I believe we are."

Thomas smiled and swallowed.

"Jimmy..." Thomas began but got lost in those deep blue eyes.

Before he knew it, Thomas leaned in and kissed Jimmy. Jimmy gladly kissed those sweet lips that were upon his. Thomas thought many times at what it would be like to feel those soft lips under his, and it was better than in his dreams. Thomas reached and cupped Jimmy's face with his gloved hand and tilted Jimmy's head. He ran his tongue across Jimmy's lips. Jimmy gladly opened his mouth and let Thomas in. Thomas deepened their kiss as he swirled his tongue with Jimmy's. Suddenly Jimmy broke the kiss and looked away, completely dazed with lust.

"I...," Jimmy began but Thomas hushed him.

"Shh, it’s alright, love," Thomas said before pulling Jimmy back into the kiss. Jimmy moaned in pleasure as Thomas took full control and entangled their hands. Oh, how he wanted Jimmy. He wanted Jimmy so badly. He let go of one hand began to run it over Jimmy's clothed cock. Jimmy moaned loudly into Thomas mouth and bucked his hips up, wanting more, and Thomas was more than happy to oblige. Thomas, liking the reaction he was getting, slithered his hand in Jimmy's pants and grabbed Jimmy's half hard cock. Jimmy moaned and mumbled as Thomas began to lightly stroke it. Thomas removed himself from Jimmy's lips and began to kiss Jimmy's collarbone. He sucked and bit causing Jimmy to moan and grind in delight.

"W..," Jimmy began, "Wait...stop."

Thomas did as he was told and pulled himself away. He was worried he did something wrong. Jimmy looked at him with his pupils wide and dark with lust. Jimmy swallowed.

"I'm sorry, Thomas," Jimmy said, "I...I can't."

Thomas looked down and nodded.

"I understand," he said, "I'm sorry, I moved too fast. Perhaps we should forget this happened."

Jimmy nodded.

"Yes, but...we can still be friends."

Thomas nodded then stood up.

"Well goodnight, Jimmy," Thomas said as he began walking away, "See you in the morning."

"Goodnight, Thomas," Jimmy said, but he was unsure if Thomas heard him since by the times the words were spoken, Thomas was already quickly heading up the stairs. Oh, Thomas was embarrassed. He took advantage of Jimmy's mental state and even if they tried to forget, Thomas couldn't. Tears began to fall from his eyes as he entered his room. No matter how hard they'd try, their friendship would be nothing but awkward. Thomas regretted it all.

_No, we can't be. We can never be friends when I want you so badly. I'm sorry, Jimmy. I ruined what we had. I have a habit of doing things like that. I'm sorry, love._

That night Thomas cried himself to sleep in dread, hating himself for what he did. Jimmy on the other hand, did not sleep. His erection remained, no matter what he thought about. All he could see and feel was Thomas when he closed his eyes. He regretted refusing Thomas, but he couldn't. He just couldn't when Andrew was still on his heart. He never realized until tonight how much Andrew and Thomas were truly alike. The way they talked and the way they kissed. The only difference was Andrew hated smoking, but Thomas absolutely lived in it. Jimmy could still taste the smoke from Thomas's lips and it only made his erection worse.

_Oh, sod it!_

Jimmy sighed the put his hand into his pajama pants and began to stroke himself. He closed his eyes and searched. Searched for one of his favorite memory.

_"I'm a little...nervous," Jimmy said._

_"Don't be, love," Andrew replied with a smile._

_"I've never...done this before. With a man or a woman."_

_"It'll be alright. Just let me be your guide. I'll do everything."_

_Andrew leaned in and kissed Jimmy, forcing his tongue into Jimmy's mouth and Jimmy gladly accepted. Andrew snaked his hand down Jimmy's pajamas and began to gently stroke him. Jimmy broke their kiss and cried out a little._

_"Shhh," Andrew said, "Its alright, do you like that?"_

_Andrew slowly twisted his hand up and down Jimmy's cock. Jimmy bit his lip and nodded._

_"Good," Andrew said as he leaned in and nipped at Jimmy's neck. Jimmy lightly moaned as Andrew made his way down. He stopped at Jimmy's nipple then began to lick and bite. Jimmy put his hand to his mouth to quiet his moans. Andrew then made light kisses down Jimmy's abdomen then tugged away his pants. Andrew gave Jimmy's standing erection a light kiss on the tip then took nearly the entire thing in his mouth. Jimmy bit hard on his hand as his eyes shot open. He looked down and watched as Andrew's head bobbed up and down slowly sucking and licking Jimmy's length. Andrew put two fingers to Jimmy's lips. Jimmy knew what to do. He opened his mouth and sucked on Andrew's fingers. He moaned as Andrew flicked his tongue around the head. Andrew withdrew his fingers from Jimmy's mouth then placed them at Jimmy's entrance. Jimmy's stomach twisted as Andrew pushed the first finger in. It hurt at first, but Jimmy soon grow to like the feeling. Jimmy slowly began to grind on Andrew's finger and before he knew it, Andrew entered his second finger. Jimmy slapped his hand onto his mouth as he moaned loudly into it. Jimmy had never felt anything so blissful in his life. It was all too wonder full. Jimmy could already feel himself coming close._

_"S...stop," Jimmy said reaching for Andrew, “Push please. I'm so close, Andrew...guh Andrew!"_

_Jimmy couldn't hold anymore and came into Andrew's mouth. Jimmy did all he could to refrain from grabbing onto Andrew's hair. Jimmy looked down at. He gasped as when saw Thomas instead of Andrew. Thomas withdrew from Jimmy's cock and smiled, licking his lips._

Jimmy eyes flew opened as he came hard into his hand. He panted heavily and used his other hand to wipe the sweat off of his face. He couldn't believe his mind would betray him like that. Why would he replace Andrew with Thomas? He could never...could he? No. They are too much alike. He wouldn't be loving Thomas. He'd be loving Andrew's look alike. That is no reason to get involved with someone.

_"I pray someone will come along so you won't have to be alone."_

Those words echoed in Jimmy's head. He couldn't. He just couldn't.

_No, it’s a mistake._

But was it? Maybe Andrew sent Thomas to him. Maybe Andrew was watching over him. Maybe...Andrew saw the way Thomas and Jimmy kissed. It felt too much like betrayal. Jimmy pulled of his dirty pajama bottoms and put on some fresh ones while he threw the others into a ball in the corner. He crawled back into bed and hugged the pillow.

_I'm so sorry, Andrew. I wish I knew what to do. You always knew what to do, you lead me where I was supposed to go. Please, please just show me what I'm supposed to do._

_My love...show me._


	6. Chapter 5

Thomas couldn't keep his eyes off of Jimmy and not because he was lost in that beautiful trance. Something was wrong. It was all too obvious that Jimmy didn't sleep very that night, neither did Thomas, but he knew how to hide the tired look. Jimmy, however, did not. Thomas looked away with regret. He shouldn't have kissed Jimmy. He felt so much for Jimmy and wanted to be his, but that was all gone now. Jimmy would never be friends with him ever again.

_But he kissed back...no, he didn't...did he?_

Thomas questioned it a lot. He was so lost in the kiss last night, he couldn't really tell if Jimmy was as lost or if he was afraid. What Thomas did was illegal and if Jimmy mentioned it to anyone, Thomas would no doubt be thrown out onto the streets or worse, prison with Mr. Bates.

"You alright, Mr. Barrow," Alfred asked, drawing Thomas out of his fearsome thoughts.

"I'm fine," Thomas answered, "Thank you, Alfred."

Alfred nodded then returned to his breakfast. Thomas looked back over at Jimmy who didn't even look up. He was slowly eating a piece of toast, completely lost in his own thoughts.

_Oh, I wish I could take it back._

Suddenly Thomas thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of bells. He silently groaned then made his way up the stairs.

Throughout the day it seemed as if Jimmy was avoiding Thomas, or at least trying to find as things to keep him tremendously busy. As each hour went by, a piece of Thomas's heart fell apart. He wanted to talk to Jimmy about it, to tell him it was a mistake and that he didn't mean to cause harm. It's all he wanted to say and just ask for forgiveness if Jimmy was able.

"Mr. Barrow," Mrs. Hughes said as she entered the servants hall where Mr. Barrow sat alone, "I was wondering if I could speak with you a moment."

"Of course," Thomas said. He stubbed out his cigarette and followed Mrs. Hughes into her sitting room. She closed the door then offered him a seat which he gladly accepted. She poured two cups of tea then handed one of them to Thomas as she sat down with the other.

"Now," she began, "I'd like it if you told me what really is troubling you. Did you and James have a fall out?"

Thomas looked confused then shook his head.

"No, Mrs. Hughes," Thomas answered as he took a sip of the warm tea.

"Are you sure," She pressed on, "You two have been inseparable for the past week and now you two won't even look at each other. Did something happen, Thomas. I want to help."

Thomas smiled then shook his head as tears began to form.

"I don't think you can," He said, "You'd think I'm disgusting and... wrong...Just like Jimmy does."

"Oh, I doubt Jimmy thinks anything like that, Thomas. He didn't seem disgusted or angry, but...sad...as do you."

Thomas couldn't keep the tears from falling and let them slip down his cheeks.

"I...," He began, "I kissed him."

"Oh my," Mrs. Hughes, "I see now, and just so you know I think nothing of the sort of you being disgusting as the world goes to call you. To be quite honest, I'm not truly surprised."

Thomas looked up at her in confusion.

"In fact, I'm quite relieved. I know it must be hard being who you are and it all really makes sense now. I'm not disgusted, and I'm sure James isn't either."

"How can you be so sure," Thomas said looking back down at the floor.

"Because a disgusted person would look at you with disgust and anger, James looks at you with sadness in his eyes."

Thomas looked back up.

_Andrew. You were his angel, weren't you?_

"He may be scared is all," Mrs. Hughes continued on, "You are not afraid to fight for who you are, perhaps you can show him it’s alright."

Thomas slightly smiled then nodded.

"But...he won't even speak to me," Thomas said, "He's been avoiding me all day."

"I've seen," she said, "but he can't avoid you forever, Thomas. Not when you live right across the hall from one another. He'll have to speak with you about it. This...isn't something that can be swept under the rug."

Thomas nodded once more.

"You're right," Thomas said, "But what if I have to force the issue."

"Then force it," she said, "Force may be the only way you'll ever speak again."

Thomas smiled then stood up and set the cup of tea on the table.

"Thank you, Mrs. Hughes," Thomas said as she rose to stand. She smiled and nodded.

"I'm here to help," she said, "If there is anything you ever need to speak with me about, please, Thomas, you know where to find me."

Thomas nodded then left the room with a smile. He was confident. Strange how Mrs. Hughes had that effect on people. Suddenly he caught Jimmy walking down the stairs in his dinner livery. He quickly approached so Jimmy could not get away. Jimmy, very surprised by Thomas, slightly jumped and looked at him wide eyed at first but they slowly eased into a gentle look.

"We need to talk," Thomas said sternly.

"I can't now," Jimmy said, eager to flee, but Thomas kept himself in front of Jimmy's path.

"I know, but later, after dinner. We _have_ to talk about last night, Jimmy. Just meet me in my room later after dinner and we'll talk then, please."

Jimmy bit his lip then looked back at Thomas then nodded.

"Alright," Jimmy said, "but...how about you just...come to my room."

Thomas softened up slightly.

"Of course," He said, "Whatever makes you more comfortable, but we need to talk."

Jimmy nodded then smiled at Thomas. The smile was one Thomas waited nearly all day to see.

"Thank you, Jimmy," Thomas said as he stood out of the way. Jimmy nodded once more then walked into the kitchen. Thomas was now both anxious and afraid. He swore to himself that he would not mess tonight up.

_We can forget about it all. Just pretend it never happened._

_Only...it did happen, and you know you can never forget it._


	7. Chapter 6

Thomas sat on his bed rubbing his hands. He looked at his clock. Jimmy told Thomas to meet him in his room at ten o'clock. It was now five till ten and Thomas could feel his stomach begin to twist in anxiety. Thomas let out a shaky breath then stood up and left his room. He slowly and silently made his way to Jimmy's door. He stood at it with his hand on the handle. Jimmy's light was on and Thomas knew Jimmy was waiting. He let out another breath then slowly opened the door. He kept his gaze on the floor as he entered and closed the door.

"Jimmy," Thomas said, "I... I just want to say I'm sorry for las-"

His words were lost as Jimmy grabbed his face and smashed their lips together. Thomas was in awe and shock as he slowly wrapped his arms around Jimmy's waist.

_Oh, so marvelous._

Jimmy pulled away and looked at Thomas. Thomas wanted to smile, but he held it when he saw the tears in Jimmy eyes. Jimmy suddenly placed his head on Thomas's should and began to cry. Thomas moved his arms up and tightly embraced him. He petted Jimmy's hair and shushed him as Jimmy continued to cry hard onto his shoulder. Thomas could feel the warm wetness on his shoulder and hated that they were Jimmy's tears, but all he could do was try and comfort the sad boy. Thomas moved them to sit on the bed to get more comfortable and began to once more try and calm Jimmy down.

"It’s alright," Thomas whispered, "It'll be alright, love."

Jimmy's cry turned silent then he pulled away and looked at Thomas then smiled.

"That’s what he used to say," Jimmy said, "It’s what he said that night, but...will it?" Thomas took Jimmy's hand.

"Yes," Thomas said, "If you love me then yes."

Jimmy looked down then stood up and went to his bureau. He brought a small wooden box and sat with it in his lap. He stared at it before he opened it and pulled out the picture and handed it to Thomas. Thomas took it as Jimmy rummaged through the box. Thomas still couldn't believe the resemblance between him and this Andrew. Then his heart fell.

Am I just a replacement?

"I don't know," Jimmy said, "I don't know if I love you...because of you...or Andrew. God you are so much alike. The way you talk, the way you act," Jimmy laughed, "The way you kiss. The only thing that separates you both is Andrew didn't like smoking. It reminded him of the war."

Thomas smiled slightly.

"That’s how we met, you know. We were both stationed in Paris and we grew close. He almost got killed because of me a couple of times. After the war was over, he went back to Lady Anstruther's and brought me along. My parents died before I went off to the war so I was pretty much homeless, but Lady Anstruther agreed to let me on as second footman. Andrew was first." "She sounds like a very dear woman," Thomas said, "I've heard small mentions of Lady Anstruther in my days, but I've never seen her. She never visited the Abbey."

"She liked it, but she was often too busy looking after her nephew. He was always getting into trouble, of all sorts, and she'd have to get him out."

Thomas nodded. He read in many paper's about Lady Anstruther's Nephew, Nathan, getting into a lot of legal trouble but it'd all work out for him in the end.

"Andrew didn't like him," Jimmy continued, "He….Nathan made advances towards him nearly all the time he visited. Since he was first footman, he would be the valet for Nathan when he came. Then last year Andrew refused to be his valet so Lady Anstruther appointed it to me."

Thomas became worried.

"Did he make advances towards you," Thomas asked.

"Andrew told me he often tried to pull Andrew out of his trousers, but with me he was...charming, sweet. I guess I fell for it a bit, but who wouldn't. Nathan was handsome and he knew it. He could have anyone he wanted if he tried hard enough."

"And he wanted you," Thomas said. Jimmy looked down into the box and began fidgeting.

"He wanted Andrew to bed, but he wanted me to love."

Jimmy pulled out a small pile of letters.

"He began writing to me. The things he said, I couldn't believe they were coming from him."

Thomas smiled and looked at the letters. It was all too familiar for him. Those sweet words and promises that were never true, all burnt up in a flame.

"Andrew was livid. He threatened that if I wrote back, that he'd leave me. Leave the house. So, I talked with Lady Anstruther then went into the local village."

Jimmy pulled out two gold rings and held them up and smiled.

"She found a priest who performed secret marriages for people like us. One night I went to Andrew's room and placed it in his pillow with a letter. He had a habit of sleeping with his arm inside of his pillow so I knew he would find it...and he did. We got married the next day."

Thomas smiled. He heard of those secret weddings but only heard. The Duke mentioned it once but from all the other lies he told Thomas, Thomas grew to doubt there would be such a person who would wed two men. Jimmy pulled out a smaller letter and handed it to Thomas. Thomas opened it up and read it silently:

_"I ask you to pass through life at my side—to be my second self, and best earthly companion."_

Thomas smiled at the words.

"We were happy for nearly a whole year, until he fell ill."

Thomas looked up then handed the letter back to Jimmy.

"I want to love you," Jimmy said, "But I'm afraid I won't love you as Thomas, but as Andrew."

"It’s all I ask, that you love me," Thomas said, "I may walk, talk, and look like Andrew, but we are two different people."

Jimmy looked up at him and slightly nodded.

"I suppose you are," Jimmy said, "You deserve love, Thomas. I'm just afraid I can't give it all to you yet."

"Andrew passed only a couple months, Jimmy. I do not ask nor expect you to be over him in such time, but I will say that when you are ready and your heart has healed, I'm right across the hall," he took Jimmy's face in his hands then kissed him.

"Waiting," he said as he pulled away. Jimmy looked into his eyes with tears threatening to fall again. Jimmy nodded then closed his eyes.

"I hope you don't have to wait too long," Jimmy said, "but it'd feel like I'm betraying him." "Jimmy," Thomas said, "I would wait a lifetime for you as long as I know you would be mine eventually."

Jimmy smiled then gently kissed him on the cheek. Thomas wrapped his arms around him and they silently embraced one another.

"Thank you, Thomas," Jimmy said.

 _No, thank you, Jimmy_.

Thomas closed the door gently as he entered his room. The smile had failed to fade as he crawled into his bed and shut of his lamp. He closed his eyes and slowly fell asleep. The future was looking all so bright for Mr. Barrow, but he should've been more expecting that something would try and take his angel away.


	8. Chapter 7

Thomas and Jimmy sat by each other at breakfast. Thomas feared there would be awkwardness between them, but it seemed there was none. It was if now Jimmy was completely comfortable being with Thomas even though he knew Thomas deeply cared about him. As if he was going to keep his word and come around eventually.

_That's all I ask._

walked into the room and the servants stood up.

"Lady Grantham has just informed me that they will be traveling to London on Christmas Eve and so they will entertain tomorrow night instead. they will arrive back on Christmas day at noon and will exchange gifts with the staff then."

"Does that mean we get the day off, Mr. Carson," Alfred asked.

"Well if it was up to me, we would be giving this house a strict on through but Lady Grantham insisted that since it is Christmas, the staff will have the day free. Including Anna and Mr. Barrow."

Thomas smiled and looked at Jimmy who smiled back. He was most excited to have the day off. Perhaps Jimmy would go with him to the village. Thomas wanted to buy something for Jimmy anyway but it would be better to know what Jimmy liked to have.

"But as for today and tomorrow, we have a busy schedule ahead of us since this is short notice so we must be prepared and work hard now on with today!"

The servants quickly left the servants hall and began their chores. Thomas went straight upstairs to dress Lord Grantham. He planned afterwards to try and catch Jimmy to ask later.

_(that night)_

"I hope you don't think anything negative about not wanting to take you along to London" Lord Grantham said as Thomas finished dressing him.

"Of course not, my lord," Thomas answered with a smile. He could care less really. London was fun and all but to go there and work would be a very sour Christmas for him.

"It’s just that it was insisted we use their valets, I suppose to train in some way. Frankly I'd rather have a skilled one such as yourself, but its rude to reject an offer."

"Yes, it is, my Lord, and thank you."

"You know, I've noticed something," Lord Grantham said, "You've changed. Ever since that James fellow came along. You're in such high spirits that I've never seen you in a very long time. I'm glad you persuaded me to let James on and he also proves to be very valuable staff member."

Thomas smiled and nodded.

"He is very talented, my lord, and I will not lie, I do enjoy his company. He is someone who understands me. Not many do but, he does. We're very alike."

Lord Grantham smiled then nodded.

"That's good, as long as you keep each other out of trouble."

Thomas nodded.

"Well thank you, Thomas, that is all. Good night."

"Good night, my lord," Thomas said as he left the room.

There was an extra skip in his step as he walked down into the servants hall. He spotted Alfred and went over to him.

"Alfred, have you seen Jimmy," Thomas asked.

"Yes, he went outside just a couple minutes ago, though he seemed ill."

"Ill? What do you mean?"

"I don't know exactly. He was pale and his eyes puffy. I hope he's not getting ill. Its Christmas."

"I hope so too," Thomas said then quickly went outside to find Jimmy. As he walked out into the clear cold night, he listened. He heard light sobs come from his right and he made his way over. Jimmy sat on a box, the very box Thomas had found Andrew's picture on, and he was crying. His face was in his hands and his shoulders shook. Thomas slowly approached Jimmy.

"Jimmy," He gently said. Jimmy slowly looked at him with red puffy eyes. He sniffed as Thomas sat down next to him.

"What's wrong," Thomas asked.

"I'm in it now," Jimmy said, "They're coming."

"Who is?"

"Lady Anstruther and Nathan," Jimmy chocked, "They've actually accepted the invitation to Downton tomorrow. Oh, Thomas, if they see me, I'm done for."

"No, you won't," Thomas said wrapping his arms around Jimmy, "You'll be alright."

Jimmy shook his head then began to cry again. Thomas pulled Jimmy into an embrace and rubbed his back as Jimmy cried.

"Shh," Thomas said, "There's no need for that. I'm not going to let anything happen to you. You'll be alright, I promise."

Jimmy nodded into Thomas's shoulder and continued to cry. Thomas was unaware how long they were sitting out there, but he began to lose feeling in his fingers and toes. He gently pulled Jimmy away.

"We should get back in," Thomas said, "We'll catch our death out ear and you worse with your face all wet."

Jimmy chuckled then wiped his face. His eyes and nose were still red so it would be easy to tell Jimmy had been crying. Thomas helped Jimmy up and Jimmy grabbed onto Thomas hand as they walked back inside.

It was the moment of truth. The servants and the family stood waiting to greet the first guest they expected. Thomas saw Jimmy freeze in place as Lady Anstruther's car pulled up and around to the entrance of the Abbey. Thomas gently touched Jimmy's hand for reassurance. Jimmy looked up at Thomas and nodded then regained his posture. Alfred walked over to the door and opened it and Lady Anstruther, followed by her nephew, Nathan walked out. Lady Anstruther appeared younger than he would've expected. She wore a great purple hat that met well with her long fluffy purple fur coat. She was very pale looking, almost as white as the snow and her lips were redder than anything Thomas had seen. She was a beautiful lady, but too much makeup to Thomas's opinion. Nathan immediately caught Thomas's eye. He was young and broad. Hazel colored hair that gently curled out from his hat. Bright green eyes could entrap any woman or man that looked at him and his face was perfectly shaped with sharp cheeks and jaw.

_He is very handsome, but he isn't as beautiful as Jimmy._

"Lady Anstruther," Lady Grantham said and opened her arms for a greeting hug.

"Lady Grantham," Lady Anstruther replied with a smile and went over to Lady Grantham.

"Welcome to Downton, Pamila," Lady Grantham said, "I'm so happy you finally were able to accept."

"As am I," she said, "I've always wanted to see the marvelous-" suddenly her eyes went to Jimmy, "of Downton."

Both Thomas and Jimmy froze. Lady Anstruther smiled, a... genuine smile. As if she was truly happy to see Jimmy.

"Oh my," She said as she pulled away from Lady Grantham, "You have such marvelous looking staff, isn't that right, Nathan."

Nathan as well glanced at Jimmy and did a double take before smiling.

"Everyone here living under Downton's roof is family," Lord Grantham said.

"It’s hard not to see them as family, even though they pick up after us. Without them, we'd be nothing."

"I couldn't agree more."

"Speaking of so, I'm afraid Nathan's valet had caught ill before we left. Do you have one you may be able to spare. It'll be no worry if not."

"I believe we can spare a footman if you wouldn't mind."

_They won't pick Jimmy. He isn't first footman._

"Might I recommend Alfred, my lord," Mr. Carson spoke up.

"Oh my, is he your first footman," Lady Anstuther asked.

"I'm afraid we have yet to decide on that matter, my lady," Mr. Carson said, "They've both proven to be excellent footman so it is still on trial."

"Oh, I see," Lady Anstruther said as she looked over at Jimmy. Jimmy decided to look at the car behind her instead of meeting her gaze.

"I'm quite curious though what this young one has to offer," Lady Anstuther said as he smiled at Jimmy, "If Nathan can choose?"

"He certainly can, Pamila," Lady Grantham said, "We want our guests to be comfortable."

"I don't mean to be rude to your man, Alfred, but the other footman I would like to be my valet for this evening," Nathan said, "I would honestly like to test them both for you, but it is only one night, but perhaps we can come back more often?"

"Of course," Lady Anstuther said to a smile, "Everything has settled now and you may be seeing more of us."

"That is great news," Lord Grantham said, "This is our footman, James."

James swallowed then took a step forward.

"Oh my," Lady Anstruther said, "He's quite the attractive man."

Thomas looked over at Nathan who was practically undressing Jimmy with his eyes. Thomas's mouth twitched.

_Oh, just be so obvious why don't you._

"Then that is settled, now please come inside before you catch a death. Alfred and James will take your belongings to your rooms."

"Thank you so much, Lord Grantham," Lady Anstruther said as the family walked inside the house and Alfred and Jimmy walked over to the coach. Thomas watched Jimmy as he made his way back into the house. He knew Jimmy must be scared to death now, but he certainly was hiding it.

_Don’t' worry, my angel. I'm keeping my promise._


	9. Chapter 8

Thomas stood by Jimmy whenever he could. Every word that was spoken was of comfort and that everything was going to be alright. All Jimmy had to do was act professional and ignore Nathan's advances...if he could. Before Jimmy went upstairs, Thomas pulled him aside, claiming he was going to give him some tips.

"Why did you run away from Lady Anstruther's," Thomas whispered. Jimmy's eyes widened a bit then looked down. Thomas had to know. It was killing him to know why instead of anger or disgust, Lady Anstruther was happier to see Jimmy than anything.

"After Andrew died," Jimmy began, "Lady Anstruther did what she could to comfort me. Nathan was there too and it was nice to have someone. I almost fell for him, but I couldn't betray Andrew like that, especially with Nathan. A couple of days before you found me, I was called up to the library after I got back from me half day. I go in and I see the priest that had wedded me and Nathan standing with Lady Anstruther. I... I didn't want to believe what they were planning and... I got scared. Lady Anstruther came over and told me 'I promised Andrew I'd never let you live alone for the rest of your days. You get on well with Nathan and I know he can take care of you. He's a better man than Andrew and now you won't have to be afraid.' I panicked and I just...I just left. With nothing but the clothes on my back. She was going to wed me off to her nephew and she didn't seem at all like she cared what I had to say. They were all for it and I even believe that they wouldn't have helped Andrew even if they could. Nathan was stuck on me and it was frightening, so I ran."

Thomas looked down then cupped Jimmy's face.

"You don't have to be scared anymore," Thomas said, "You are safe and I'll always make sure you are. I promised to protect you and I will. Nathan can never tare me away from you."

Jimmy smiled nodded.

"You better get up now, and don't be afraid. Show him he owns no one."

Jimmy made his way slowly up the stairs and down the hall to Nathan's room. It was like old times except he wasn't so afraid back then. Why was he afraid? Nathan would never hurt him...would he? Jimmy stood in front of Nathan's door and took a deep breath before raising his hand. He gently knocked three times and stood as straight as he could. He put on a mask that Thomas had taught him as the door opened. Nathan stood there smiling.

_Oh God that smile...I hate men._

Suddenly Nathan grabbed Jimmy's arm and pulled him in. He quickly closed the door before clasping Jimmy's face and kissing him hard. Jimmy let out a muffled yelp as he tried to push Nathan away. Nathan pulled away from the kiss then embraced Jimmy. It all happened so face that Jimmy just stood there as Nathan nuzzled his neck.

"Oh, Jimmy," Nathan said, "Oh I've missed you. God you had us worried. Running away like that. I know you were frightened but it’s going to be okay. We can be together now."

Jimmy shook his head then slipped out from Nathan's grasp. Nathan looked at him with amusement and concern.

"Jimmy," he said, "W... what’s wrong..."

He looked down at Jimmy's hand and spotted the gold ring. Jimmy had slipped it on before he went up, just to feel a little safe. Nathan swallowed then looked back at Jimmy.

"I'm sorry," he said, "You must still be grieving. I never wished Andrew to go the way he did."

"But you wished him to go none the less," Jimmy spoke. He was embarrassed the way his voice cracked. Nathan looked away.

"I... he didn't deserve you, Jimmy," Nathan said, "What could he have done for you? You both grow old then what? You have to hide your love in your rooms. With me, Jimmy, I would never hide you. I'd kiss you and make love to you in front of the King himself."

Jimmy shook his head at the thought.

_That's just crude._

"Please, Jimmy," Nathan said, "It's all I ask. Just give me a chance to show you my love is worth more. You'd never have to be a servant again. The same priest could wed us."

Tears came into Jimmy's eyes and he closed them. That was the last thing he wanted. To be wedded by the same priest that wedded him and Andrew. Andrew would look down at him with disgust. Jimmy shook his head then stood up straight.

"Dinner will be ready soon, my lord, you must get ready."

Jimmy shakily went over to the suit that was laid out and Nathan watched him.

"Why do you reject a heavenly life," Nathan asked, "Why would you rather be alone than loved."

Jimmy walked over to Nathan and began to undress him as a valet. Nathan sighed then let Jimmy do his job. Next came the suit and as Jimmy began to button it, he smiled.

"I'm not alone, Nathan," Jimmy said, "I have someone. I'm sorry, but I care about him and he cares about me. Sometimes, showing love doesn't mean you have to show it to the world when it’s not the world's place to see."

Nathan looked away and slowly shook his head. Once Jimmy was finally finished dressing Nathan, he stood back and stood up straight.

"Will there be anything else, my lord," Jimmy asked. Nathan looked at him and shook his head.

"No," he said then smiled, "Not at the moment, thank you, Jimmy."

Jimmy slightly bowed then left the room. Once the door was closed, Jimmy collapsed to the floor, mentally exhausted. He smiled then stood up and began his decent downstairs.

_I'm ready, Thomas. Your angel is ready for you._

Thomas exited the Lord Grantham's room until he felt a hand on his arm. He looked over and saw Nathan smiling at him.

"Mr. Barrow," he said, "Am I correct?"

Thomas took a deep breath then smiled.

"Yes," he said, "How can I be of service?"

"Well I caught wind that you and Ji-James were close."

Thomas could feel a snarl daring to show. He slightly nodded.

"Yes, my lord, I've taught him much."

"I see," he said, "so he'll listen to you."

Thomas didn't like where this was going, but he nodded.

"Good,” he said, "You see, I was wondering if you could perhaps help James... reconsider an offer I made him."

Thomas shot an eyebrow up.

"What kind of offer?"

Nathan smiled.

"You remind me of someone," Nathan said, "Someone I had to battle with to try and win a prize."

Thomas began to glare. Nathan smiled wider.

"I see," Nathan said, "You must know all about Andrew. Shame really, but not too much. I figured that once he was gone Jimmy would be mine. Do you know how much I had to pay a doctor?"

Thomas's eyes flew open.

"P... pay?"

"Oh yes," a devilish smile appeared upon Nathan's face, "All I had to do was get a disease, a fatal one, and slip it into Andrew. Too easy for my likeing but it worked well all the same. When Andrew went to the doctor, I payed that doctor to tell him it was cancer and there was nothing to be done. Of course, there really was, all he needed was an antibody and he would've lived, but that would've been tragic."

"You murdered Andrew," Thomas snarled.

"And I'll do it again," Nathan said then leaned it, "I always get what I want. You nor Andrew can love him the way I do."

"You're mad."

"I am. Mad for Jimmy Kent. Oh, he makes you mad too, I can see it. It’s an unfortunate effect from the taste of his lips. So, hear my warning and hear it well. I will have no trouble killing you to get my Jimmy. Oh, he would be so distraught that I'll be the only one left for him to come too. He'll see it as a punishment for not loving me in the first place."

Thomas shook his head.

"Or, you can make him run to me all while staying alive. I hate to see Jimmy so upset but he gives me no choice. Either he grieves over your dead body or he grieves over his heart that _you_ broke."

Thomas could never hurt Jimmy. Never to even break his heart, it'd break his own in the process.

"I expect Jimmy to come to me confessing his love after dinner," Nathan said with a smile then walked past Thomas.

"Good evening to you, Mr. Barrow," Nathan said, "Have a pleasant one."

Thomas swallowed as tears began to fall from his eyes. He was unsure what to do, but he just needed to go into his room. He had to go there, it was his sanctuary. He swiftly turned and began to head down. Once he was sure everyone was gone, Alfred stood from behind the corner with a look of shock on his face.

_Well that explains it._

Alfred stood straight then quickly walked back to the downstairs, knowing exactly who he needed to speak with.


	10. Chapter 9

Thomas sat on his bed and let the tears fall. He couldn't stop himself from crying, it was all he could do now.

_After he's gone, I can pretend we never met, like it was just a dream turned into a nightmare._

But he knew it wouldn't work. His heart would break and turn to stone, never letting the slightest bit of warmth from into it.

_I'm foul, I do not deserve love._

Thomas froze as he heard footsteps walk past his door and into one of the rooms.

_I have to do it. It’s for the best anyway. Save us both._

Thomas wiped his face then stood up and walked to his door. He closed his eyes then opened the door and left his room.

Jimmy ran up the stairs in tears. He was lucky not to run into any of the family since they were all no doubt into their rooms. His throat was hurting from keeping his sobs inside of him. He couldn't dare let them out. He didn't even knock as he barged into Nathan's room and swiftly closing the door. Nathan looked at him both shocked and slightly concerned. Jimmy dashed over to Nathan and grabbed his face, smashing their lips together in a powerful wet sloppy kiss. Nathan moaned in surprise that quickly turned into pleasure as he wrapped his arms around Jimmy. Jimmy pulled away then rested his head on Nathan's shoulder, panting as Nathan began to rub comforting circles into his back.

"Why are you crying, Jimmy," Nathan asked, "What has happened."

Jimmy could sense a bit of amusement in his voice, as if he already knew. He already knew Jimmy's heart was broken.

"Thomas," Jimmy answered, "He...he said he didn't love me. Said I was nothing more than a cheap fuck when he needed. He's patient but he couldn't be anymore."

"Oh, Jimmy," Nathan said. Jimmy began to cry and Nathan gently hushed him.

"Shush, my darling, shush," Nathan said, "No more tears. No more fear. I, unlike this 'Thomas', love you more than anything. I hate to say it but...maybe it’s why Andrew had to leave. God didn't believe he was right for you and nor did I. I love you, Jimmy Kent, I always have."

It only made Jimmy cry harder and Nathan smiled a victorious smile.

"I need you," Jimmy said, "Tonight...but...I'm frightened."

Nathan gently pulled out of the embrace and looked at Jimmy's wet face. He placed a hand to Jimmy's cheek then nodded.

"I'm here," He said, "I've always been here and I always will. With me, you will never have to be frightened again."

Jimmy looked down then nodded.

"It’s just...I... I don't want any lies to be between us, Nathan," Jimmy said, "I want truths, about everything. I swear I won't leave you for it, but prove to me you do love me."

Nathan swallowed then nodded.

"Alright, darling, alright," he said, "I'll answer whatever it is you ask truthfully and pray for your forgiveness if need be."

"You will already have my forgiveness the moment you tell me."

Jimmy took Nathan's hand.

"Follow me," he said, "I know the perfect place we can talk. We won't have to worry about prying ears."

Jimmy lead Nathan out of the room, and Nathan was so eager to follow.

They slowly and quietly descended down the main stairs then made their way down the servant way. Jimmy would cast a reassuring look at Nathan who would give a sly smile back. Jimmy and Nathan snuck past the busy kitchen and servant’s hall, thankfully everyone was so busy talking about what they were going to do on Christmas Eve, it was easy to slip down the hall and outside. The cold air aggravated Jimmy's tear wet faced and he turned his head slightly as he led Nathan to the quiet dark shed to the side.

"Here we are," Jimmy said, "No one can see us, but we can still see each other."

Nathan smiled.

"That is all I want."

Jimmy smiled back then looked down at his hands.

"I... I just have a couple quick questions."

Nathan tilted his head in understanding.

"How much do you truly love me," Jimmy asked, "Is it more than Andrew could ever have given?"

"Oh, I could give you so much more, Jimmy. I can give you the world and a fearless love life. I can make love to you day and night without the worry of someone walking in and arresting us."

"Maybe you won't but I will," Jimmy said. Nathan took Jimmy's hands into his and shook his head.

"No, I would never let them take you."

Jimmy smiled slightly.

"Then you will answer the next question truthfully then?"

"I swear, whatever it is."

Jimmy looked up at him and swallowed.

"Are you responsible for Andrew's death?"

Nathan's smiled vanished and his mouth twitched slightly. He let out a deep sigh then looked away. Suddenly, the smile returned, but it was more vile than lovely.

"Thomas told you something about it didn't he?"

Jimmy froze and his eyes widened.

"Wh... what? No... Thomas told me nothing about it...I... I talked to Dr. Clarkson one day about the symptoms and he said what Andrew had was not cancer."

Nathan slowly shook his head but the smile did not leave his face. He made a step towards Jimmy who jumped back slightly.

"You know, Jimmy. You are a very handsome man, but you are not very bright. You are a bad liar."

Jimmy swallowed.

"You...you didn't answer my question."

Nathan took another step and leaned in. Jimmy's back came into contact with the shed and he closed his eyes.

"Well since you probably already know, I'll let you in on the details. I injected poison into his system one night when he was asleep. Such a pitiful sight, seeing you two in each other’s arms. The poison was a slow killer and it was all too easy to bribe the doctors to say it was cancer. Hell, it was even too easy to convince my aunt for her help."

Jimmy shook his head. The people he trusted the most, that took him in, had betrayed him. Well, it was just his luck.

"Oh, I wanted you so bad and I still do. I want you moaning my name and screaming out in the dead of night, and you know me all too well, Jimmy. Call me a spoilt child but I ALWAYS get what I want...and I want you."

He viciously grabbed Jimmy by the shoulders and roughly pushed him against the shed. Jimmy yelped as his back collided with the cold hard wood. He looked up at Nathan with fear in his eyes.

"So, now you are going to be a good boy and leave with us, tomorrow. We can say we've offered you a job and you've taken it. The Grantham’s do not matter to this world. So, stuck in the past they all are, going nowhere, and I'm warning you now, Jimmy, if you try anything," He gave another rough push, "Anything, then I will have to repeat the little heart-breaking action upon your precious Mr. Barrow."

"That is quite enough," Lord Grantham came walking out from around the shed. Nathan turned around and quickly released his hold on Jimmy. He straightened up and smiled, acting as if Lord Grantham had not just witnessed or heard anything.

"Ah, Lord Grantham," Nathan said, "I... I wa-"

"You will not speak another word," Lord Grantham barked making both Nathan and Jimmy jump.

"I have every single right to report you and Lady Anstruther to the authorities for murder and many other illegal acts."

"You wouldn't dare," Nathan said, "You would protect a footman, who had no doubt lied the entire time he has stayed."

"Yes," Lord Grantham said as he began walking over to Nathan. Nathan straightened up.

"I would protect this young man because whatever he has lied about, I can see he has a good reason and seen as a victim instead.

Jimmy looked down and tried to shrink himself away.

"So, you will go back to your room, prepare to leave tomorrow. We will brush this all away because neither side of the family want such scandal am I correct?"

Nathan didn't speak but swallowed instead.

"Good. James will stay here at Downton a free man of whatever and whoever he chooses to be, even if he chooses to be a man with Mr. Barrow."

"That is scandal waiting to happen," Nathan replied with a sly smile.

"Everyone under this roof is family. From the hall boys to the butlers, every servant is a member of the Downton family, and you sir, have threatened my family and I am giving you a fair warning to leave and never return."

Nathan's smile left then he slowly nodded.

"Alright," Nathan said, "We will leave first thing, Lord Grantham. So, I bid you goodnight."

Nathan nodded his head then roughly bumped his shoulder as he walked past. Lord Grantham did not move but turned his gaze to Jimmy. Jimmy remained motionless then nodded.

"Thank you, sir," Jimmy said.

"Don't thank me," Lord Grantham answered with a smile, "Thank Alfred."

"So, the police are not coming," Jimmy asked. Lord Grantham chuckled.

"I would never let a man like that get away with murder."

The family and servants watched as Lady Anstruther and Nathan were put into the police cars. Neither were saying a word or fighting back, and for that everyone was glad. It would be too much of a scene.

Thomas watched with a light smile as the door closed as Nathan was put inside.

_We're safe now, what luck._

"Mr. Barrow," Lord Grantham walked over to Thomas, "Could I have a word with you in the library, please."

"Yes, my lord," Thomas answered. As Lord Grantham walked back inside, Thomas looked down confused and frightened.

_What have I done now?_

Thomas entered the library and saw Lord Grantham pouring two glasses of whiskey. Thomas swallowed then closed the door. Lord Grantham looked up and smiled.

"Ah, Thomas," he said, "Please sit down."

Thomas could only nod as he slowly sat down. Lord Grantham brought the two glasses over and handed one Thomas and held his own as he continued to stand.

"I just want to say that you are not in any trouble, Mr. Barrow," Lord Grantham cleared, "In fact, you are somewhat of a hero."

Thomas's mouth fell open.

'I... I’m sorry, my lord," Thomas began, "but...I don't understand."

"Alfred heard you talking to Nathan," Lord Grantham said, "He hid and listened to him make his threat to you and James and came straight to me. We called in James to try and lead Nathan away to confess to the murders. I couldn't do anything unless I heard Nathan say it himself. We would've involved you but we needed to act quickly."

Thomas nodded in understanding then took a small sip of the whisky.

_So that's why?_

After Thomas had left his room that day and began to search for Jimmy after he could not find him in his room. He was able to find and he told Thomas that Jimmy was called to see Lord Grantham about a serious issue. Thomas feared the worst for Jimmy and was afraid he wouldn't see Jimmy after dinner. His fear came true after Jimmy never came down into the servant’s hall.

"I know now how much you care for James, Thomas," Lord Grantham said. Thomas looked up at Lord Grantham with fear.

_Oh no, I'm a goner!_

"I know he feels the same for you two and I must admit, it is quite strange," Thomas closed his eyes in shame, "I am not one to judge."

Thomas looked up at him. Lord Grantham smiled.

"Since James came around, you've changed. You've been bright as day, I've never seen you with such a smile or in such an attitude I thought you may have found that special someone, and if James is that someone, then I suppose it only shows love cares not for certain attributes."

Thomas smiled then looked down.

"Th... Thank you, my lord," Thomas said.

"You saved James's life as well as your own tonight. I must admit, if you or James left, Downton would never be the same."

Thomas closed his eyes and looked down. It was a comment that Thomas didn't know he needed to hear.

"Now, as far as James and you go, what you two do outside of Downton is none of my concern, but while working here, you two must still be professional. We don't want to give a heart attack."

Thomas laughed.

"No, my lord."

Lord Grantham nodded then took a drink.

"Good night, Thomas," he said.

Thomas stood up and placed his glass on tray by the bottle.

"Good night, my lord," Thomas replied and he swiftly left the room, anxious to get downstairs and be with his angel.


	11. Epilogue

Thomas sat outside watching the snow as the bright full moon shined made it glisten. It was nearly midnight and the new year was about to begin. Everyone else were inside dancing and drinking about, well except for who had retired to his office with. Thomas didn't understand why they didn't confess their love to each other. It was so bloody obvious it often made Thomas ill.

"Mind if I join you," a voice came from his side. Thomas looked over and smiled then scooted over so Jimmy could sit next to him. Jimmy smiled and took the seat. They sat in silence for a short while.

"The moon," Jimmy began, "it's bright as a light bulb."

Thomas laughed then nodded. Jimmy smiled pleased with the reaction.

"It’s beautiful," Thomas answered.

The silence came back and grew a little awkward.

"I. Thank you," Jimmy said. Thomas looked over confused.

"For being there for me when I needed you. Thank you for finding me and...and loving me."

Thomas blushed and looked down.

"I mean it. My life has been so lonely that I've never been able to confide in anyone but Andrew. Even my parents I couldn't trust."

Thomas looked up and took Jimmy's hand.

"I'll always be here," Thomas said.

Jimmy smiled slightly, but he had an unconvincing look.

"You say that now, but things happen, and it can happen in such a short amount of time. How can you promise when you don't know about tomorrow or the next day or next week or even next year?"

Thomas smiled as he truly understood. Jimmy didn't want to love Thomas because he didn't want to lose him.

"Because I know tomorrow, I'll be here and next week and next year, I'll be here. I now have something to live for so I won't give up on it for any reason. One day it will be my time to leave but I'm not going to leave until I have lived...and ...I want to live with you, Jimmy Kent."

Jimmy looked up and smiled a real genuine smile.

_To think, that smile is for me and me alone._

Thomas pulled out his pocket watch and looked at the time. The minute hand had just landed upon the twelve. It was midnight, January 1st 1921.

He looked back up at Jimmy and cupped his face.

"Happy new year, Jimmy," Thomas said as he leaned in.

Jimmy smiled and placed his hand on Thomas's cheek and leaned in as well.

"Happy New Year, Thomas," he said and sealed in their words with a slow passionate kiss. Though they were sitting in below freezing weather, they felt warm. Jimmy moved his hands to Thomas's chest as he deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue into Thomas's welcoming mouth.

"We...," Thomas said panting as he pulled away, "We should get inside and warm up before we catch out death."

Jimmy smiled deviously and Thomas thought nothing could be more erotic.

"I've got the perfect method for warming up," Jimmy said and took Thomas's hand. Thomas stood up as he was led back into the house.

It was midnight, January 1st, 1921 and Thomas Barrow was in love.

 


End file.
